Memories of My Mother's Love

My mother never went to high school. Born in 1925, at just 14 years of age my grandparents kept her home. She kept house and cooked the family’s meals while they worked in the luncheonette they owned in Newark, New Jersey.

She married my father at 20. Together they raised three boys, Len, Steve and Mark. She was a loving and caring mother. Deprived of the opportunity herself, she stressed the importance of education, beginning, I recall, with our entrance into grade school. 

She was an incredible cook. She was admired for her ability to make her own pasta and her skill as a baker of cookies, pies and cakes. Everything she made got rave reviews. It was our good fortune that she generously passed her recipes down to the women we married. Obviously, she didn’t have much formal education, but she read the newspaper and the Bible every day and thoroughly enjoyed doing crossword puzzles. She spoke proper English too. For example, I never heard her say, I “seen” that when the correct word was “saw.” She said, “It doesn’t matter.” Never it “don’t.” If one of her sons slipped, we were quickly corrected.

My mother was never one to preach. She preferred to teach by example. My cousin, Mary Jo, perhaps put it best when she said, “In all the years I knew my Aunt Sue, I never heard her say a single negative word about anyone.”    

On Mother’s Day, it’s common to praise our mothers for being our biggest supporters. Some of us are fond of saying Mom was our biggest fan. My mother was too, but I think her religious faith persuaded her to heavily stress humility. So, she wasn’t likely to proclaim our greatness until we were entering adulthood. She was a firm disciplinarian when she had to be. I’m reminded of two incidents where she proved her mettle.

In the fourth grade, I decided not to do my homework for a while. My teacher just had student monitors collect it. If I didn’t turn my work in, she simply marked how many arithmetic and English assignments I missed. I don’t recall her scolding me for not completing my homework, so this was not a problem for me. Until I got my next report card, which was loaded with the letter F after each subject. Until that moment, I don’t believe I had ever received an F in any subject. I was petrified. I hid my report card for days until my teacher informed me that I had better return it, signed by a parent. The next morning, I showed the embarrassing card to my mother and said she had to sign it. She looked at me and said, “Oh no. Your father has to see it before he signs it.” It was a long day, and an uncomfortable night. I also had a miserable weekend, spending hours completing every missed assignment.

Another time, when I was about 10 years old, my brother Steve and I bamboozled a kid in the neighborhood out of $.50. Trust me, that was enough to buy a lot of candy in those days. When we came home my mother saw our jaws bulging with our ill-gotten gains and demanded to know where we got the money for so many Milky Way, Baby Ruth and Almond Joy bars. The look on her face told me to tell her the truth. She was not impressed. She gave me two quarters and had me give the money back to the kid we took it from. The term, “your grounded” wasn’t in use in those days, but my brother and I were sent to bed that afternoon (never without supper) and not allowed to play outdoors the next day. Oh! The candy we hadn’t eaten yet went straight to the trash. Today some would describe her behavior as tough love. I don’t think many parents in our neighborhood made such distinctions back then. 

Lest anyone think my mother was mean, I suppose I should end with something sweet. I’m happy to say I have plenty of options to choose from. Here’s one. Money was always tight. But somehow, she always made sure that when Charlie the ice cream man drove his truck down our street, bells ringing, she found the coins we needed to get us an ice cream cone or ice cream sandwich.

Being a mother was never easy. I am sure it is harder now than ever. But unconditional love and thoughtful discipline will always be the cornerstones of the job.